Raising Daughters
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Author: Shaykh 'Alee al Haddaadee
Author: Shaykh 'Alee al Haddaadee
All praise is due to Allaah and may the Salaat and Salaam be upon His
servant and messenger Muhammad, his family and companions.
To proceed:
Noble reader, each and every one of you is surely going to be resurrected after his death, and questioned and taken into account for his actions in the life of this world. Amongst the issues that a servant would be questioned about, is his family and children, how did he look after and raise them. Concerning this, the Messenger- صلى الله عليه و سام -said:
“A man is a care taker of his household and will be questioned about them. A woman is also a caretaker in her husband’s household and will be questioned about that.”
The topic of upbringing and raising children is an extensive one, so I will limit this essay to raising daughters specifically, due to their great importance and wide ranging effect on society - in manners and behavior. For indeed when a girl grows up, she becomes a wife, a mother, a teacher as well other responsibilities that await her in life. If she is rectified, a lot of other affairs would be rectified as a direct consequence, and if the she is ruined, a lot of affairs would also be ruined.
The following concise essay will revolve around the following points:
# The Virtues of Having Girls and the Falsity of Pre-Islaamic Ways.
# Being Kind to Daughters – Methods and Examples.
# Choosing a Good Mother.
# Providing for their Physical Needs such Food, Clothing and Medicine.
# Being Generous, kind and Merciful to Them.
# Being Just Between Them and their Siblings whether they are Boys or
Girls.
# Bringing them up Islaamicaly and getting them Accustomed to this
while they are Young.
# Teaching and Preparing them for a Married Life.
# Being keen on Marrying Them to Men of Good Religion and Character.
# Visiting them and Enjoining Ties with them after they get Married.
# Methods of Protecting them from the Dangers of Present day Society.
The virtues of Having Girls and the Falsity of Pre-Islaamic Discrimination.
# The Virtues of Having Girls and the Falsity of Pre-Islaamic Ways.
# Being Kind to Daughters – Methods and Examples.
# Choosing a Good Mother.
# Providing for their Physical Needs such Food, Clothing and Medicine.
# Being Generous, kind and Merciful to Them.
# Being Just Between Them and their Siblings whether they are Boys or
Girls.
# Bringing them up Islaamicaly and getting them Accustomed to this
while they are Young.
# Teaching and Preparing them for a Married Life.
# Being keen on Marrying Them to Men of Good Religion and Character.
# Visiting them and Enjoining Ties with them after they get Married.
# Methods of Protecting them from the Dangers of Present day Society.
The virtues of Having Girls and the Falsity of Pre-Islaamic Discrimination.
If we look at the Book of Allaah the Glorified, we find that He strongly rebukes pre-Islaamic ways; that a man is displeased when he is given the glad tidings of a daughter, his face darkens while he is in as state of grief, he feels shy amongst his people so he avoids them out of embarrassment. He contemplates whether he is going to bury her or leave her upon her own. Allaah strongly criticized them from this practice.
There are, however, remnants of these pre-Islaamic ways that still live in the hearts of some men, especially if a man’s wife keeps giving birth to girls. Even though a woman is just like the earth in this case, in that it grows whatever the farmer plants in it, with some men, it has reached the point where he would divorce his wife after she gives birth – we seek refuge with Allaah from such ignorance and cold heartedness.
During the pre-Islaamic era, women had no status at all, a man would bury his daughter and yet raise his dog and feed his farm animals. Allaah falsified this lowly ideology and raised the status of the woman to its natural level, a level that suits her and enables her to carry out her obligations and the rights she has over others and others have over her. He addressed the woman in the same way He addressed the man in obligations and prohibitions, and He specified the woman with some rulings that concern only her, rulings which suit her natural state.
Having children is something that is predestined, it is in Allaah’s Hands, He blesses whom he wills with girls and blesses whom he wills with boys. He blesses others with both boys and girls and tests others with neither. Allaah the Elevated states:
{To Allaah belongs the kingdom of the heavens and the earth. He creates what He wills. He bestows female (offspring) upon whom He wills, and bestows male (offspring) upon whom He wills. Or He bestows both males and females, and He renders barren whom He wills. Verily, He is All-Knower and is Able to do all things.} [Ash Shooraa: 49-50]
Contemplate over how he mentioned girls first before boys; this is an admonishment to those who belittle the status of women and consider them to be insignificant.
So be pleased with whatever Allaah has decreed for you do not know where the goodness lies! How many fathers were contented by the tidings of a boy, who later only became a calamity for him, a cause for the decrease of his wealth and a continuous source of worry and misery for him. And how many a father was discontented by the news of a daughter while he was anticipating a son, and this girl became not only a helping hand, but a merciful heart and continuous source of support throughout his life. From here we understand that contentment, in reality, is not due to having a boy or a girl, it is only realized if the child is righteous, whether it is male or female. Allaah the Elevated said in describing the servants of al Rahmaan:
So be pleased with whatever Allaah has decreed for you do not know where the goodness lies! How many fathers were contented by the tidings of a boy, who later only became a calamity for him, a cause for the decrease of his wealth and a continuous source of worry and misery for him. And how many a father was discontented by the news of a daughter while he was anticipating a son, and this girl became not only a helping hand, but a merciful heart and continuous source of support throughout his life. From here we understand that contentment, in reality, is not due to having a boy or a girl, it is only realized if the child is righteous, whether it is male or female. Allaah the Elevated said in describing the servants of al Rahmaan:
{And those who say: "Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders of the righteous. } [Al Furqaan: 74]
Being Kind to Daughters – Methods and Examples
My Muslim brother; if Allaah blesses you with daughters, be diligent in carrying out their rights, this includes raising them, providing for them and interacting with them, all this while anticipating the reward from Allaah. Do you know the amount of reward you will receive for doing this? Indeed if you do so, you would be together with the Prophet- صلى الله عليه و سام -in the afterlife, for a Hadeeth it states:
My Muslim brother; if Allaah blesses you with daughters, be diligent in carrying out their rights, this includes raising them, providing for them and interacting with them, all this while anticipating the reward from Allaah. Do you know the amount of reward you will receive for doing this? Indeed if you do so, you would be together with the Prophet- صلى الله عليه و سام -in the afterlife, for a Hadeeth it states:
“Whoever raises two girls until they mature will come on the Day of Resurrection together with me - and he joined two of his fingers.”
[Collected by Muslim]
He- صلى الله عليه و سام -also said:
He- صلى الله عليه و سام -also said:
“Whoever is tested with something by daughters and is good to them, they would be a protection for him from the fire.”
[Collected by both Bukhaaree and Muslim]
There are many ways to be good to daughters – amongst them:
There are many ways to be good to daughters – amongst them:
Choosing a good mother; This is the first step in being good to your offspring, because a righteous mother is one of the causes of righteous children – In Shaa Allaah. How many a child has Allaah preserved due to the righteousness of his or her parents[1]. Choosing a good name; since the name of a child has an effect on him/ her. Names have different rulings, amongst them are those that are permitted, recommended, disliked and prohibited. Today, the majority of people look for modern names, paying no attention to their meanings or rulings.
How many girls have names with bad meanings? How many girls have foreign names while their parents are Arabs in Arab countries?
Providing for their physical needs such food, clothing and medicine. Being diligent in this affair is from the causes of entering Jannah; an extremely poor woman entered upon ‘Aaishah – may Allaah be pleased with her – with her two children. ‘Aa-isha said:
“She asked me but I didn’t have anything except one date at the time, so I split it between the both of us and gave her one half. She didn’t eat any of it, but left with both her daughters.” The Messenger - صلى الله عليه و سام - arrived and I told him about this, he said:
“Indeed Allaah has obligated the entrance to Jannah and prohibited the Hellfire from touching her because of that.”
[Reported by both Bukhaaree and Muslim]
Being Generous, kind and Merciful to Them.
When Fatimah used to enter upon the Prophet - صلى الله عليه و سام , used to say:
Being Generous, kind and Merciful to Them.
When Fatimah used to enter upon the Prophet - صلى الله عليه و سام , used to say:
“Welcome my daughter.”
One day he went to lead the prayer while carrying his granddaughter Zaynab; while prostrating he would put her down, and while standing he would carry her. It may have been that there was no one to look after her at home at the time so he took her with him. Or it may be that he wanted to legislate this and have people take him as an example – may Allaah’s Salaat and Salaam be upon him.
The Prophet - صلى الله عليه و سام - was the most merciful of people to children in general, whether they were boys or girls; he would kiss them, rub their heads, supplicate for them, and play with them. There is a great good in this. The older a daughter becomes, the more she would need to feel respected and appreciated. If you provide this for her, she would feel that she is an important member of her family, in her own parent’s home, and this would help her greatly in stability and steadfastness.
If however, she feels belittled and neglected, that she is not addressed except with orders and prohibitions; only asking her to carry out chores and so on, this would only make her hate her home and family, and Shaytaan may start whispering to her. She would then start looking for care and love in impermissible methods, which would lead her to destruction. Only Allaah knows where she would finally settle.
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[1] This advice is directed to men, for women it would be choosing a good father for their daughters.
